By Graeme McRanor/Photograph by: Jenelle SchneiderDear KISS Army: Before we get into my review of Saturday night’s show at GM Place, there are a few things you should know about me.
I am a hack.
I clearly have no musical taste, whatsoever.
And I am most certainly a sad, pathetic man who doesn’t understand that sales approaching 100-million albums automatically makes a band awesome.
Feel better? Good.
Now hold onto your hairspray and kick up those glittery high-heeled boots: you might want to sit back down in your makeup chairs for this one.
Led by the brilliant marketing brain that resides somewhere beneath Gene Simmons’ overly coiffed black hair, KISS has, over the decades, built itself into a major brand.
Knowing Simmons, that shouldn’t be surprising. After all, in his terribly scripted and stilted “reality” show, Family Jewels, there’s rarely a scene where Gene doesn’t see green.
But, trademarks aside, perhaps the band could have made more of an effort at building credibility through its music, rather than making sure every baby in the world has a KISS bib on while mommy goes online and writes a nasty letter to that mean critic who said KISS wasn’t very good.
"This writer is such a hack..."
Okay, so KISS isn’t all suck. But there’s a whack of it.
Still, inexplicably, I was feeling quite optimistic as I entered GM Place on this cold, rainy night. In hindsight, mainly because I hadn’t seen the show yet.
Entertaining? Sure. Like a circus, but with less cruelty to animals -- though I wonder if the band’s makeup gets tested on them or not.
Adolescent? Arguably.
Artists in residence? See makeup.
A note about adult face painting: unless you are a clown, a member of a 70's-era glam-rock band, or both, it's not recommended.
Fittingly, the boys started at the foundation of their careers, kicking off the show with Deuce, a track from the band's self-titled debut in 1974.
Sure, the guys stormed the stage 20 minutes late, but, hell, look at those outfits.
KISS wasn't built in a day.
During Strutter, also from the debut album, I saw two things I haven't seen in a while: giant flame-throwers spitting fire 30-feet into the air (hot); and an aging bassist (Simmons) performing alternating hip-thrusts with guitarist Tommy Thayer (not so hot).
Also on a flaming note: video of the band playing live superimposed over fire wasn't quite heated enough to melt the cheese from said production value.
Nothing was shocking and not in a good way by the time Thayer took over vocal duties during the mindless Shock Me.
Here is a band - really, Simmons and Stanley - that has gotten rich from whoring its name onto every conceivable product, and the new album, Sonic Boom, proves that, while the band stopped progressing musically long ago, the brand continues to gather momentum.
Still, things almost ground to a halt mid-set, when, during a Thayer guitar solo, one of the stage explosions blew a set of lights from the rigging above, sending them crashing to the stage below.
Luckily, Thayer wasn't nearby: it most certainly would have been light's out for him.
Of course, as mountain climbers will tell you, soloing can be dangerous.
Just ask drummer Eric Singer, whose kit slowly rotated horizontally to face each side of the stadium during his solo. This would have been cool, say, if it were 1986 and I hadn't yet seen Tommy Lee play while rotating completely upside down during Motley Crue's Girls, Girls, Girls tour circa 1987.
Speaking of flying musicians, Simmons, aided of course by cables and not his costume's bat wings, rose up to the rigging like a levitating bass god to sing I Love It Loud.
So, yeah, I could tell you that the band finished off with Rock and Roll All Nite, shot confetti onto the crowd then did a four-song encore to wrap things up.
But how do you top a flying 60 year old?
Truth be told, I’m glad KISS is still around after all these years. I just wish the guys had more good music to show for it.
Then, maybe, I wouldn’t think they’re such hacks.
And, you know, it takes one to know one.
